I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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