Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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