Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
