I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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