Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
