she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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