the condom got lost in my hair
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
