he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
