Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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