Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Randomize
