atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Randomize
