dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
