i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
i think im in europe. pls send help
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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