Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
