I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
