its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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