i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
