wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Randomize
