I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Randomize
