Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He shit in the fireplace
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
