I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
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