I looked at my own cervix.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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