you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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