I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
