You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
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