just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
