you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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