I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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