can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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