He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
