and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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