i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
