There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
