I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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