He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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