y did u give ur computer a hand job?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
