this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
