The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
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