There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
