just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
