Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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