is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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