Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
