my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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