She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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