Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
worst night to have a conscience
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
