Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
