So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
