she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
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