This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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