first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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