all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
