matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
