covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
