we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
We need to get me chipped asap
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
