WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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