pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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