I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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