there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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