The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
