True but thats because hes a fetus.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
