my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
