Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
