i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
